He loves me…he loves me not


You think about your man all the time. When you wake up, at school, at work. Before going to bed. You even dream of him sometimes.


Your conversations with your best friend are filled with stories of him, his life, his career, his plans, how he makes you happy, etc. You think he is the most wonderful person in the world.


You are definitely in love.


Then it grows deeper. Now you know he isn’t the most wonderful person in the world. Yet you won’t have him any other way. You start to imagine yourself being married to him, having children, and growing old together….


Stop!! Is he feeling the same thing?


Remember, love will only make you happy if it is mutual. He has to love you back. Don’t let the overpowering feeling of being in love cloud your judgment.


Your man is in love with you if …


He gives you a reasonable proportion of his free time.


Take note of the words “reasonable proportion”. If you are with a busy man, (example, full time job, studying in the evening, caring for the family, volunteer work, etc) who still manages to squeeze in a call or e-mail, invites you out on his rarely free nights, he is in love with you.


If you know your man has a lot of spare time in his hands and yet does not bother to get in touch with you, does not initiate dates, you have reason to suspect that you are not in his A list. If he prefers hanging out with his friends all the time and is not always available for you, the red flag is up. You are in a one-sided relationship.


He shows you he loves you … in so many ways


If a man really cares about you, he becomes creative in showing how much he loves you. As the object of his affection, you will know whether your man is going the extra mile to show you how much he cares for you. On the other hand, if you find yourself doing all the work and the romance, you may be in for the harsher realties of unrequited love.



He keeps his promises


Does your man call you when he says he will? Does he show up when he days he will? If your answer to both is no, isn’t it time you ask yourself why you are putting up with him?



He accepts your totality


Simply said, he accepts you as a total person with all your imperfections and failings. He may have fallen in love with you based on first impressions that you failed to sustain but he still accepts you, just the same.


He shows his generosity


I am not talking of big bucks or impressive gifts. Generosity is a relative term and should be applied relatively. If your man does not earn a lot of money, he may not spend a lot, but when he does, you will sense his joy in giving and making you happy. On the other hand, if your man does not give you gifts or insists that you pay halfway all the time even if he is financially capable, you can assume that he isn’t looking at you as a partner yet.


He tries to be nice to your family and friends


If he truly, genuinely likes your family and enjoys your friends, that’s good news. But if he doesn’t really like them, for reasons whether valid or not, but still tries to be nice to them, give him some brownie points. That means he considers your feelings and would go the extra mile to please you. On the other hand, if he has nothing but bad words for your family and friends brace yourself for the worse in the future.


He has eyes only for you


I hate to be literal about it, but it’s the only way to take it. A man who is seriously committed to you will no longer be romantically interested in other women. If he believes in “keeping his options open”, you can assume he is not yet set on you. A man who has wandering eyes and openly admires other women even when you are together is not only uncommitted, he also does not respect you. You can consider leaving him permanently to give him time for his wanderlust.


He is there when you need him


You will see the commitment of your man when bad times strike. Is he there to care for you when you are sick? Does he make time to see you or call you when you are feeling down? If your man vanishes during the times when you can’t be fun, you might as well consider a vanishing act too. True love isn’t only for the good times, but for the bad times as well.


He is interested in your life


He wants to know what is going on in your life, in your studies, in your career. He supports your ambitions and encourages you to pursue your dream. If your man does not even know what you do, looks bored when you tell him stories about your life and your friends, he may only be interested in himself.


He calls you frequently


If your man calls you only to cancel a date, or worse does not even call you, he is not your man. If he is as involved as you are in your relationship, he will call you frequently, for the most mundane reasons, just to let you know that you are “connected” and that he is thinking of you.


He introduces you to his friends


If you have been going out with him for more than one month and you have not met his best friend or his friends, you should start wondering why. What is his reason for keeping you out or keeping them out? Either case, it’s a red flag.


He introduces you to his family


This “family” introduction phase may come at a later date, but it should come. There is no reason why you shouldn’t be introduced to his family circle if you are a “couple”. This is one way of legitimizing your relationship. Of course, some men may take a longer time to bring you inside the circle. Use your judgment to see whether he is taking “too long” to get to that stage.


A word of caution, though: Let him initiate the move. Pressure from you can just turn him off.


He does not put you down


If your man does nothing but criticize you or put you down, ditch him posthaste. I am not saying that he should have nothing but praises for you. But if his words and actions are all meant to put you down and make you feel bad about yourself, you are better off without this man. Words like “You are ugly”, “You are fat”, “No one else will take you”, “You are so stupid” are very harmful for your self-esteem and will have negative long-term effects on your psyche.


He does not dwell on his past relationships


A man’s relationship is a part of his life and his history. But if he insists in talking about his past relationships all the time, he might as well become history himself. A true gentleman should not talk badly about his past girlfriends but he shouldn’t talk about them glowingly either, at least, not in your presence. If your man is suffering from ex-mentionitis, I can only conclude that  1) he is not over the relationship yet, 2) he isn’t totally happy with you and wish you have more of the qualities of his ex, 3) he is totally insecure and has to validate himself with his previous conquests. Any of the above is not good news.



He gives you his Fridays, Saturdays or holidays


I am not being petty here. Think about it. If your man is always not available on Fridays, Saturdays or holidays, it is highly suspect. He may already be in a more committed relationship or he simply prefers hanging around with other people. In either case, it’s bad news.

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